nerves are normal, right?

wow, I leave for Mexico tomorrow and I am getting a little nervous. Im pretty sure it is the fact that I will be away from Shane and the dogs (jackson and charlie) for a whole month. I love Shane so much and I really cant imagine being away from him for that long. Though, I do know that it is Gods will that I go and He will provide the strength for both of us while I am away. I have pretty much everything ready. I dont think that I have done this much laundry in a very long time. So, I am going to go back to spending time with Shane before I go.

Mexico Bound

Hello All! I hope this finds everyone enjoying the holiday season...I know that I have.
Well, a lot has transpired over the last couple of weeks culminating into a mission trip that I will be taking over the month of January to Chiapas, Mexico. Long story short, I will be heading back to Chiapas with the Wilson Family (Julie has been my mentor for a couple of years) and returning in early February. I believe that this trip has been totally orchestrated by the Lord after experiencing all of the amazing things He has done to make it happen. I know that He has a lot in store for me while I am at the mission. I realize that this opportunity has come at a unique time in my life, at what seems to be the end of a very long chapter. The Lord has so faithfully sanctified my heart over this past year and I believe that the time in Mexico will be sealing what He has done. And so, I will be leaving on January 1st. I will regularely update my blog with news and pictures of the journey. Love you all!!

confronting reality

Admittedly, I am the product of two realities. One that consist of the physical circumstances that surround me, attempting to influence my decisions based on the natural processes of the world. The pressure is to allow cause and effect to be the determining factor of my fleshly choices. The second reality, the Truth, is the reality of the Supernatural. The Reality where I serve a righteous God who created ALL things and is in control of ALL things. The Reality that truly rules and reigns on this earth and sets everything in its place. Unfortunately, there is the evil component of the supernatural Reality that presses in on me every day. The evil that reigns on earth has so influenced the natural/physical reality that it has become a constant battle upon my flesh, attempting to convince me that it is Truth. Oh, how I long to make my home in the supernatural reality that is "Christ in me, the hope of Glory", to live guided by the Spirit of God and battling against the evil forces that make their home on this earth. To live in and not just speak of the Reality that is my inheritance in the Kingdom of God. In that place His Kingdom will come and His will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Victory

I want to share this with all yall. The Truth is so simple and dont let anyone tell you differently!

What is Victory?

Watchman Nee

What is victory? In the Bible, victory is first mentioned in 1 Samuel 15:29 (ASV margin), where it says that Victory will not lie nor repent. Indeed, victory is a person. A thing is not a person, and a matter is not a person, but the Victory of Israel is a person. Victory is not a thing or an experience. It is not a matter; it is a person. We all know who this person is; He is Christ! I tell you that victory is not something from us. It is not our experience; it is a person! Victory is not a matter of what we are, but a matter of Christ living on our behalf. This is why the victory we have will not lie nor repent. Thank and praise the Lord that victory is a living person!Brothers and sisters, victory has to do with an exchanged life, not a changed life. Victory does not mean that one is changed, but rather that one is exchanged. We are very familiar with Galatians 2:20, which says, ''I am crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, the faith in the Son of God.'' What does this verse mean? It means that our life is exchanged. Our life is no longer in the realm of ''I''; it has nothing to do with us anymore. It is not an evil ''I'' being changed into a good ''I.'' It is to be ''no longer I.'' The greatest mistake we make today is to think that victory involves progress and that defeat involves the absence of progress. This is why we think that everything will be well if we do not lose our temper or if we have an intimate fellowship with God. We think if we have these things, we will overcome. But we have to remember that victory has nothing to do with us. We play no part in this victory. . . . Thank and praise the Lord that victory is Christ; it has nothing to do with us.

From: The Life That Wins by Watchman Nee

losing jonathon

From my youth I desired to have one very deep kinship in my lifetime. The kind of relationship that David and Jonathon shared, a love crossing over family blood and social norm. A bond that is unexplainable and inseparable. It seemed to be an unattainable dream...something only to be hoped for.

God knew my heart and placed circumstances in my life for this relationship to occur. Meeting, getting to know and sharing life with my very own jonathon was one of the most satisfying times that I have ever known. I knew that I could share all of who I am and be loved and so did she. A true kindred spirit. It was beautiful!!

And as we knew its beauty so did satan. He hates the beauty that is Gods creation and this friendship was Gods creation. So the great deceiver set out to destroy that which brought such glory to the King and joy to my heart. And as it were, I was blindsided and thrust into a situation that would ultimately end that which I had longed for my whole life.

I had hoped that restoration could occur and that God was bigger but moving on seems to be the answer. "Just let go of it, Katie" "Focus on other things, Katie" everyone says to me.... and I guess its time since my jonathon has seemed to do just that. I guess its just taken me a while because I held on to the kindred part of the relationship so much. The part where I finally felt like I had a sister who Loved me and was mine. I pray that God will now satisfy that which seems missing in my life and heal my broken heart.

rollercoastering...

so, I feel that I deserve my blog an update. all I can say is...the roller coaster got me.

Now, those of you who dont know my obsession with the life/rollercoaster analogy then I will briefly explain. Yes, even in Christ our lives will be like a rollercoaster, up and down, slowing and speading up, anticipation and dissapointment. But, with Christ, we have the choice to overcome the sickness and confusion of the rollercoaster and rest peacefully while all seems out of control.

So, the rollercoaster of this world got me and tried with all its might to kill me. I must admit, I almost fell off a few times. But God, in all His authority, rescued me and brought me back to the place of rest and peace. The rollercoaster is still here and I am riding on it but the only effect it has on me is the constant reminder of His presence and how badly I need it. So I fix my eyes on Him and not the next rediculously huge hill I am climbing.

I am praying about mexico and whether to go spend some time down with the wilsons. I would sure love it. Lubbock is great and all but I am willing to get away for a while. I know the King will lead me in his way. I want Him.

waiting...

darkness surrounds.

escape

where?

arms of satisfaction.

Truth that does not betray.

The True Love.

All Things

by Steve Pettit
Ask the Crucified One who authored his death and He will reply, "My Father." If crucified by the will of God, as horrifying as the experience was, it must end in triumph! "The fullness of joy is to behold God in every-thing!

Seen rightly, even pain and suffering are agents of God's steadfast love, escorting us into glory. He will expose our inadequacies, but only to reveal Himself as our adequacy. He will identify our weaknesses, so his strength might become ours by experience.when we begin to see life with GOD at the center, we have ears to hear Him say,

"I dug your pits of fear, in order to intimately fill you with my perfect love. I dashed your house of dreams to personally build your house of life on unshakable reality. I meant your hellish despair . . .it drove you into my heavenly hope. I caused you to experience that haunting hollowness of heart so you might be filled, intimately and personally filled . . . with MY LIFE."

today

One year ago today began one of the most amazing years of my life. It started with two people who have directly influenced my life in profound and very different ways. One, with the best of intentions, taught me the deep hipocracy and lack of belief that plagues the "church" today. I am thankful for this lesson because I am much more aware of satans handywork and how to fight it. The confusion and lack of true obediance to Christ that I see in so many people (including myself) is deeply saddening. I pray that hearts will turn towards Him and wait for His voice and not that of a corrupted church. The other individual, a dear friend, taught me that there will never be satisfaction in anything or anyone besides our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I also learned that I will forever be a slave to Christ and that doing 'whatever I want' is a straight road to hell. A friend that will walk with you through these lessons is true and faithful. Through the trials of this past year I have learned so much from the Lord through the many people He has put into my life. I can honestly say today, June 15, 2007, that I am better because of all of it.

good news

He chooses us exactly as we are, with every facet of our humanity. We may well laugh at the strangeness of His choices, but that is no business of ours. He paid the highest price possible for us — the price of His own Son’s blood — so we had better get busy choosing ourselves if He has chosen us. To not accept those He accepts is to insult Him.

-Norman P. Grubb

Open Eyes

why am I walking around with my eyes closed all of the time? Running into things, mistaking one thing for another and surely not getting where I want/need to be. Yeah, I see all of the stuff of this world but im sick of seeing the same old crap. What does our almighty God and Creator see? Our apostle Paul prayed that we would be "enlightened in the eyes of our hearts", that we may see the Truth beyond the use of our eyes that see into this world. Oh God, that the eyes of my heart would be enlightened. I am so tired of only seeing half way. His eyes, I want His eyes. To see as He sees and react as He reacts to His world. Of course, Jesus was our best example of His eyes in this world and we see the life of miracles and wonders that ensued. My prayer today- His eyes.

surviving the storm

so how many times have I heard how God see's through our storms of life and that He is always taking care of us. No matter how many times I heard it, I didnt fully understand it until last night in Joplin, MO. Shane and I (on our way to St. Louis) were traveling through a severely severe Tornadic storm that very well could have crushed us at any given moment. In the midst of the chaos and midnight darkness we cried out to the Lord and proclaimed the Truth that He see's through every storm and can send angels to protect us. All for His glory!!! We made it through and more than ever I believe that He can see through the darkest of clouds and can protect us from the fiercest of attacks. "because of His GREAT MERCY we surrender ourselves as living sacrafices" Thank you Lord!! What a great experience!!