losing jonathon

From my youth I desired to have one very deep kinship in my lifetime. The kind of relationship that David and Jonathon shared, a love crossing over family blood and social norm. A bond that is unexplainable and inseparable. It seemed to be an unattainable dream...something only to be hoped for.

God knew my heart and placed circumstances in my life for this relationship to occur. Meeting, getting to know and sharing life with my very own jonathon was one of the most satisfying times that I have ever known. I knew that I could share all of who I am and be loved and so did she. A true kindred spirit. It was beautiful!!

And as we knew its beauty so did satan. He hates the beauty that is Gods creation and this friendship was Gods creation. So the great deceiver set out to destroy that which brought such glory to the King and joy to my heart. And as it were, I was blindsided and thrust into a situation that would ultimately end that which I had longed for my whole life.

I had hoped that restoration could occur and that God was bigger but moving on seems to be the answer. "Just let go of it, Katie" "Focus on other things, Katie" everyone says to me.... and I guess its time since my jonathon has seemed to do just that. I guess its just taken me a while because I held on to the kindred part of the relationship so much. The part where I finally felt like I had a sister who Loved me and was mine. I pray that God will now satisfy that which seems missing in my life and heal my broken heart.

rollercoastering...

so, I feel that I deserve my blog an update. all I can say is...the roller coaster got me.

Now, those of you who dont know my obsession with the life/rollercoaster analogy then I will briefly explain. Yes, even in Christ our lives will be like a rollercoaster, up and down, slowing and speading up, anticipation and dissapointment. But, with Christ, we have the choice to overcome the sickness and confusion of the rollercoaster and rest peacefully while all seems out of control.

So, the rollercoaster of this world got me and tried with all its might to kill me. I must admit, I almost fell off a few times. But God, in all His authority, rescued me and brought me back to the place of rest and peace. The rollercoaster is still here and I am riding on it but the only effect it has on me is the constant reminder of His presence and how badly I need it. So I fix my eyes on Him and not the next rediculously huge hill I am climbing.

I am praying about mexico and whether to go spend some time down with the wilsons. I would sure love it. Lubbock is great and all but I am willing to get away for a while. I know the King will lead me in his way. I want Him.

waiting...

darkness surrounds.

escape

where?

arms of satisfaction.

Truth that does not betray.

The True Love.

All Things

by Steve Pettit
Ask the Crucified One who authored his death and He will reply, "My Father." If crucified by the will of God, as horrifying as the experience was, it must end in triumph! "The fullness of joy is to behold God in every-thing!

Seen rightly, even pain and suffering are agents of God's steadfast love, escorting us into glory. He will expose our inadequacies, but only to reveal Himself as our adequacy. He will identify our weaknesses, so his strength might become ours by experience.when we begin to see life with GOD at the center, we have ears to hear Him say,

"I dug your pits of fear, in order to intimately fill you with my perfect love. I dashed your house of dreams to personally build your house of life on unshakable reality. I meant your hellish despair . . .it drove you into my heavenly hope. I caused you to experience that haunting hollowness of heart so you might be filled, intimately and personally filled . . . with MY LIFE."

today

One year ago today began one of the most amazing years of my life. It started with two people who have directly influenced my life in profound and very different ways. One, with the best of intentions, taught me the deep hipocracy and lack of belief that plagues the "church" today. I am thankful for this lesson because I am much more aware of satans handywork and how to fight it. The confusion and lack of true obediance to Christ that I see in so many people (including myself) is deeply saddening. I pray that hearts will turn towards Him and wait for His voice and not that of a corrupted church. The other individual, a dear friend, taught me that there will never be satisfaction in anything or anyone besides our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I also learned that I will forever be a slave to Christ and that doing 'whatever I want' is a straight road to hell. A friend that will walk with you through these lessons is true and faithful. Through the trials of this past year I have learned so much from the Lord through the many people He has put into my life. I can honestly say today, June 15, 2007, that I am better because of all of it.

good news

He chooses us exactly as we are, with every facet of our humanity. We may well laugh at the strangeness of His choices, but that is no business of ours. He paid the highest price possible for us — the price of His own Son’s blood — so we had better get busy choosing ourselves if He has chosen us. To not accept those He accepts is to insult Him.

-Norman P. Grubb

Open Eyes

why am I walking around with my eyes closed all of the time? Running into things, mistaking one thing for another and surely not getting where I want/need to be. Yeah, I see all of the stuff of this world but im sick of seeing the same old crap. What does our almighty God and Creator see? Our apostle Paul prayed that we would be "enlightened in the eyes of our hearts", that we may see the Truth beyond the use of our eyes that see into this world. Oh God, that the eyes of my heart would be enlightened. I am so tired of only seeing half way. His eyes, I want His eyes. To see as He sees and react as He reacts to His world. Of course, Jesus was our best example of His eyes in this world and we see the life of miracles and wonders that ensued. My prayer today- His eyes.